Prisoner Britney´s Desperate Lawsuit

Britney Spears´ life seems to be calming down somewhat now that her Dad is in control of her finances and the evil genius Sam Lutfi is unable to drug her anymore, but don´t think that means the drama has died away completely. Oh no, Sam Lutfi is apparently not ready to let go so easily, and a heretofore unknown lawyer has filed papers in federal court claiming that Britney Spears´ conservatorship arrangements are an illegal breach of her civil liberties.

The attorney´s name is John Eardley, and he claims that Britney called him on the phone and that the result of that phone call was the filing of the legal papers. Funnily enough, there is no real proof that Britney ever got in touch with the lawyer, but there is proof that the lawyer also has connections with Sam Lutfi. How convenient.



The claim is that Britney is a prisoner in her own home, and that the California courts railroaded her into the conservatorship arrangement. Its interesting how in spite of Britney´s hugely public meltdown over the past year, there are still people who think she´s doing just fine.

I wonder if we can have them committed.



(Also note how Britney looks almost sane in these pictures, until you realize that she has only put on a single vertical stripe of lipstick on the left side of her mouth.)

Britney's Lawyer Claims She Was Held Hostage!!!

Britney SpearsThe lawyer who derailed the Britney Spears conservatorship case tells TMZ Britney herself called him and asked him to take the reigns. The question: Will a judge be buyin' what he's sellin'?

Attorney John Eardley filed papers in federal court last Thursday, alleging the California courts have railroaded Britney by imposing a conservatorship. Eardley tells us Britney called him, but he would not disclose the circumstances surrounding the alleged call or what she said. We do know that Michael Sands, who used to be the spokesperson for K-daddy's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is now the mouthpiece for Eardley. And Sands also reps Sam Lutfi, who is now restrained from all things Britney.



So, are Lutfi and Sands behind the whole magilla with Eardley? Smells like it.

Eardley tells TMZ Britney didn't sign a retainer agreement because she is being "held hostage" in her own home. Ironically, a half hour before he told us this, we looked out our office windows and saw Britney driving through West Hollywood on a shopping spree.

Just by filing the Federal papers, Eardley has paralyzed the California courts from issuing more orders in the conservatorship case unless and until the Federal judge tells Eardley to take a hike.

Hot Celeb's With Hottest Body Tattoos

Becks uses his tattoos to make sure his family is always with him. The football star has his sons' names on his back, and a tattoo in Hindi of what was meant to say 'Victoria' but oh-so-tragically turned out as 'Vihctoria'. David has also just added a picture of his wife on his forearm.



Brad Pitt is relatively new to the tattoo club - in 2007 he had his left arm tattooed with the outline of the Iceman. Underneath it is a line in French that translates to 'Life is absurd'.



Victoria Beckham has turned her body into a tribute for her family. The tattoo along her spine is Hebrew for 'I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine'. She also has her husband's initials on her wrist and five stars on her lower back - one for each family member. Ah.



Angelina covered up an unwanted tattoo on her left shoulder that said 'death' in Chinese with a prayer for her adopted son Maddox. 'Know your rights' is tattooed on Angelina's upper back, representing her role as a humanitarian.



Angelina Jolie's tattoos are almost as popular as her pout. Here you can see the roman numerals on her left forearm. Inside her left wrist is a letter H, representing her close relationship with her brother, James Haven.



Kevin Federline and Britney Spears will always be linked by their children... and their matching tattoos. They both have a pair of dice - hers pink and his blue - to remind them that marriage is a gamble. Funny how things work out.



Pink's ever-growing tattoo collection includes a guardian angel on her back, military dog tags from her father and brother on her foot, a barcode from one of her albums on her neck, and the phrase 'what goes around comes around' wrapped around her wrist.



Some of the more interesting tattoos on this 'good girl gone bad' are the Pisces sign behind Rihanna's right ear, the star in her left ear, and a Sanskrit prayer down her hip. There are no signs of any umbrellas.



Amy Winehouse says she gets tattoos so she has something to look at when she's bored. The singer's 13 sailor-like tattoos include pin-up girls, naked women, a horseshoe, an anchor, and a shirt pocket on her chest with 'Blake's' written above it, for husband Blake Fielder-Civil.

Britney Spears terrorizes elementary schools

Britney Spears caused an incident at a Beverly Hills elementary school when she was spotted outside smoking and talking to herself, according to Us Magazine:

“She was just rambling and confused,” says the witness, who approached Spears to ask if she was OK. “She said, ‘I’m here to pick up my kids.’ But then she changed her story and said, ‘They aren’t my kids; I have a new attorney, and I came to pick them up for her.’”

At this point the kids were being let out and the sight of Britney Spears naturally terrified the little tykes:

“It became the talk of the school. Some of the kids were freaked out,” says a school source. She was directed to a more secure entrance around back.
But before getting into her car and driving off (without any children), she chatted up the female witness: “She said, ‘You’re so nice. You should give me your number. I don’t have very many friends.’"

Either Britney Spears is now trying to kidnap random children or her lawyer is stupendously fucking retarded. Who the hell sends Britney to pick up their children? You’d be better off finding a pack of stray dogs and letting them sniff your kid’s hat. Of course, my lazy dad didn’t have much luck with this method. I was always biting the neighbors on account of the rabies, and they never did find my brother Jeffy.... But then again, Britney Spears, I dunno. Can't you just buy the kids guns?

Exclusive: Kim Kardashian’s Big Booty Secret

We love the fact that Kim Kardashian is proud of her very ample booty and that girlfriend flaunts it regularly. So we were a bit confused when we came across these bikini candids of Kim and her sister Kourtney hanging out on the beach Miami.

Why is Kim so fervently gaurding her famous backside in these photos? She isn’t just casually wrapping that towel around her waist, she is clinging to it for dear life. We’ve heard rumors that Kim had a butt implant to get that amazing booty but we never believed that someone would go to such extremes. So we did some digging and found out that Kim’s badankadonk is in fact, not natural, but it didn’t come from some crazy plastic surgery. It came from Fredrick’s of Hollywood! That juicy booty Kim has been trading on for so long is actually just a $26 Fanny Panty that anyone can buy.

Is she hiding the booty because she doesn’t want us to see her surgery scars? Not likely. The more plausible explanation is that Kim is using padded butt undies to create her signature look and she doesn’t want us to see her au-naturale flat backside. That would shatter the whole booty-licous thing she’s got going on. It’s clearly a case of fraudulent booty.

How super-skinny Eva Longoria made Posh look normal-sized

What's the quickest way for a woman to look thinner - how about standing next to someone bigger than yourself.

Well that appears to be the approach taken by Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria.

The 32-year-old pal of Spice Girl Victoria Beckham is so thin, she makes the ultra-skinny Posh look normal-sized.

The pair, who have become firm friends since the Beckhams' move to Los Angeles, hugged as they met up backstage at the Spice Girls reunion show at Manchester's MEN Arena.

"Eva is a huge Spice Girls fan," a source told Mail Online, adding that the Desperate Housewives star had been longing to see her favourite group perform live.

"She said it was the highlight of her trip to the UK," added the source.

Despite her status as a multi-million pound actress, it seems that Eva has not lost the common touch.
After leaving Claridge's hotel in Mayfair, the Desperate Housewives star demanded to taken to high-street store Topshop.

She was accompanied by her hairdresser Ken Paves and several friends, who helped the star pick out a number of garments.

She eventually emerged from the shop in Oxford Street - which recently launched a new range of clothes designed by Kate Moss - with members of her entourage carrying three bags stuffed with clothes.



The 32-year-old actress flew to London for the UK premiere of her new film Over Her Dead Body, and later made a detour to Manchester's MEN Arena for the Spice Girls return to the north of England.

Victoria, resplendent in her gold corset and trademark brunette bob told The Manchester Evening News: "I have such fond memories of living in Manchester.

"So I'm really excited to be here, and I've got all three kids with me and David.

"And some of his friends from the team are here to spice up their lives."

But any fans hoping the girls money-spinning reunion might spark a return to the music world for the most famous of the five girls, Victoria made it clear she was finished with music.

Victoria said: "For me personally, I would not want to be in the music industry any more. It's not a very nice industry to be in. What we are doing is fun - on tour, having a laugh with each other with our families around us."

Yesterday, the Spice Girls have each pocketed £10 million from their 17-night run of sell-out gigs at the O2.

The reunited pop group played their final London gig in the former Millennium Dome in Greenwich last night before heading to Manchester last night.

The unprecedented success of the concerts has left Victoria, Emma Bunton, Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm and Geri Halliwell dividing a £50 million payday.

Demi Moore Has A Giant V

Demi Moore posed for the cover of V Magazine's Spring Preview 2008. I'm confused by these covers. And not just by the photoshopping. I thought this magazine was about people with vaginas. Maybe the editors confused Demi with Ashton Kutcher. It happens. He definitely has a V. In fact, I hear it's a W. I don't really know what that means, but I bet it explains why Bruce Willis stops over a lot.

Amy Winehouse strips down to her bra AGAIN...

Amy Winehouse has sparked new concerns for her health after she revealed an bandage on her arm during a shopping spree in London.

The troubled singer was out last night with her father Mitch and some friends when she removed off her black jacket in the clothes store in front of the shopkeeper to try on a hooded jumper.



During the quick strip, the Rehab star showed off a gauze strapped across the veins of her right arm.

While the cause of the injury is unclear, one thing is for certain - her red bra is definitely a favourite.

It made its first appearance last month when Amy was spotted wandering the streets of London's Bow in the middle of the night.

Earlier this month, as she returned from the Caribbean, it made another public appearance when she stripped at Heathrow airport to change her top.

Amy has been struggling to cope while her husband Blake Fielder-Civil is in prison awaiting trial for perverting the course of justice, a charge which he denies.

This shopping trip was her first public appearance since she attended Blake's hearing at Snaresbrook Crown Court on Friday.



As her husband was led back into custody she interrupted court proceedings to shout: "Love you handsome. Gorgeous one."

She then rounded on reporters sitting in court and yelled: "I wasn't talking to you."

Blake's legal team revealed he "would plead not guilty" at a later date and said it was possible his counsel may attempt to dismiss the charges all together.

Another preliminary hearing is scheduled for February 15 and the trial, focusing on perverting the course of justice charges for all five men, is scheduled for June 2, 2008.

Teri Seymour wears a bikini, could use a good meal or ten

My original headline for this post was “Simon Cowell attacked by rogue Ethopian.” Then I did some investigative journalism and learned that it’s actually Simon’s fiancé British TV personality Teri Seymour. The couple are on vacation in Barbados for the holiday. I can understand why he keeps her around. She seems handy. Simon could always use Teri as a walking stick if he were on a long hike. Or, I dunno, maybe as a karate staff if he wanted to fight crime or play Ninja Turtles with Ryan Seacrest who always wants to be “Naked Shredder.”

Mischa Barton Under Narcotic Possession

Mischa Barton was picked up for DUI and narcotic possession early yesterday morning. Officers pulled Mischa over when her car straddled two lanes and she failed to use a turn signal. A source for the West Hollywood police provided TMZ with the details of her arrest and what Mischa had on her:

Mischa Barton blew a .12 on her breathalyzer test, admitted to smoking marijuana earlier that day (which cops found in her car) and had what cops say looked like prescription drugs in her car -- in an unlabeled bottle.

That’s why I keep my prescription drugs in a clearly labeled bottle that reads “Fuck You Up Pillz.” I use the “z” instead of an “s” because I’m wack. And also because I took a handful of them while swimming in an above-ground pool full of bourbon. Or at least I was until my neighbor came home and started asking why I filled his pool with booze. He didn’t seem to believe me when I said “Jesus told me to.” But yet he said “Jesus thinks I should hit you with a shovel.” Which he did. God, what a hypocrite.
Photo: Pacific Coast News

Amy Winehouse Arrested For Disobeying The Law

Amy Winehouse was arrested this afternoon in London for perverting the course of justice, according to TMZ. She was scheduled to be questioned by police today about her husband’s trial-rigging scheme that has him currently locked in prison. Apparently things didn’t go well.

Granted, it’s common procedure to question the wife when her husband’s been arrested. But, honestly, what kind of information did police hope to garner from Amy Winehouse? She can’t even remember the words to her own music. It’d be like questioning a six-year-old but without the convenience of complete sentences.

Paris Hilton 100 percent Nude

Paris Hilton, in her own unique humanitarian way, posed nude while covered in gold body paint for the Rich Water Foundation, according to The Sun:

The hotel heiress posed in California’s Mojave Desert for the Rich Water Foundation, a scheme to source water from icebergs and relieve drought-hit regions.

Nobody told me Paris Hilton was made of gold. All this time we could’ve melted her down into something that’s actually useful. Like a set of golf clubs. Or solid gold hubcaps for my car if we’re really trying to make the world a better place here